Book Excerpts

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The following are excerpts from the prologue of
orphaned spirit....the power to heal

I was praying when …

…at the age of six in September 1949, I went to live at Augsburg Lutheran Home.

…Gary P. cut up my rubber football that first day and I told on him to Mister, the superintendent; he was punished.

…after lights were out and we had gone to bed, I had to go to the bathroom. I walked down a long dark hall to get to the restroom. I turned on the light, and someone yelled “Close the door!” I did and went into the stall. The light went out. I turned around to find myself starring at a big gorilla, highlighted by a flashlight; it really scared me.

…the gorilla told me never to squeal on anyone again and hit me several times. At first I screamed for help; no one came. I cried; no one came. I felt my way back to my room. Sobbing, I climbed into bed and started to settle down when my bed began to shake. Ralph B. came out from under the bed, hit me and again I was warned not to squeal. There were three other boys in my room; none of them did a thing to help or ever said a word about it.

…Ralph B. would make me bend over and touch my toes. “Assume the angle,” he would say and then kick me as hard as he could in the butt, usually right between my legs to see how far or how high I would go. This was almost a daily routine until it became boring for Ralph and those watching stopped laughing at the situation.

…afterwards, if it was cold, they usually built a fire, and I often ended up inside a burlap sack over the fire. By some miracle, I never was burned.

…they put a boy by the nickname of “Billy Tomato” into the Burlap sack and held him over the fire. He screamed and yelled. I was glad it wasn’t me that time, but I am sorry to have wished pain on others so I wouldn’t be hurt.

…I tried to avoid going outside when we came home from a parochial school. At school we were the “orphans” and were treated as such. I remember “Wiggles,” one of my teachers, calling us pigs. I was confused. What had I done so bad to deserve all of this?

…my father came to visit my sister and me the first and third Sundays of each month for a few hours. Those few hours were full of laughter and goodies to eat. However, as soon as my father left, Ralph B. would take my goodies. It was either give them to him or get beat up. I ate as much as I could before my father left.

…Ralph B. would make me have sex with him after supper. After awhile, I became a willing victim so I wouldn’t get beat up. I just did what he wanted me to. I hated him. I was so afraid.

…the summer before my sophomore year in high school, I left the Home. My sister had graduated from high school while out the Home and in a very emotional session with Mister, my father promised to take me out of the Home. They didn’t want me there any more. I wasn’t abiding by the rules. I had stayed after school participating in sports and other extracurricular activities, including talking to teachers.

…late that first night when I left the Home, living with my aunt, I was in bed when my uncle came home very drunk. He called my aunt a whore and several other names. He threatened to take his gun out of the closet and shoot her. Welcome to the outside world.

Out the Home we prayed before we got up in the morning, before and after each meal, two times during the evening service and when we went to bed; that makes 10 times a day. I also said a prayer of my own once I was in bed and the lights were turned out. That made 11 prayers a day times 365 days, times nine years for a total of 36,135 prayers. I wonder what my life out the Home would have been like had I not been praying?

I have divided this book into three sections—“Creation of an Orphaned Spirit,” “Healing of an Orphaned Spirit,” and “No Longer an Orphaned Spirit.” Below you will find excerpts from all three sections of the book. They appear at random, and change any time you visit this page or click your "refresh" button.

Excerpts of the book, Orphaned Spirit...The power to heal

They change every time you visit this page
or click your "refresh" button

Healing of an Orphaned Spirit

Fall 1991
Dear God:
All my life I’ve been told there is a loving God who cares for you and loves you. Well, if what my life has been thus far is loving, I would hate to see it if you were angry. Perhaps you are; if so, I would like to know why.

Life is hard enough without you compounding it. I’ve decided that you’re one of three things: (1) a personal God, involved in everyone’s life, controlling what they do and what is done to them, in which case you’re certainly not a loving God. Or (2) you are an impersonal God not attached to anyone and only concerned with individuals when they find you. I find this hard to believe since there are so many hateful people and starving children, as well as people bent on destroying each other who are constantly calling out for you. (3) I do believe in miracles but if you do exist you are a principle, a law, a word, a spiritual anomaly to which each one of us has access if only we knew how to get hold of you. Is it through works? Is it through hope? Faith? Love? I’ve had all of these, and I don’t see progress, only hurt and suffering.

I don’t understand why many people are materially well off—able to do what they want—who may have suffered the same physical problems I have but yet seem to be happier. I, who love people, give to people, help people, want to help eradicate devastation, continually suffer.

I worked the financial world, had a business that did okay, gave to my fellow man, had faith that you were always with me, was willing to take on anything in your name (maybe mine) to benefit others. I’ve sacrificed, I’ve hurt, I almost lost my son. Now my wife has cancer. What’s going on? What are you doing?
I’m ready to desert you (although I don’t know how I could). Maybe I need to find you. Why me? Why do any of us have to suffer?